dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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