A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
