Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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