Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I looked at my own cervix.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
