My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
