that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
