You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
