She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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