you turned your livingroom into a bong?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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