Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
