no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
