We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
