Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize