Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
