You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My ass is underappreciated
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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