youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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