Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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