My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
