so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
