I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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