He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
