my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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