the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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