Walk of Shame. In a state park.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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