some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
