i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize