hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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