Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
