Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
