So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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