Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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