Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
