oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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