I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
