i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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