She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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