is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
