Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
