Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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