I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
