remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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