I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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