I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize