You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
