Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
