My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
