I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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