Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We need to feng shui this bitch.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
