so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
