I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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