The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
