toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
