Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
