So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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