What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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