I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
