I wish you could order shots online.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize