dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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