Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dignity is for republicans.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
