i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
