Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
