im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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