you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
