i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
