i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
