Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
