Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
