and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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