i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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