No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
