She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize