I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
