I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
