How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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