I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
