He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
