mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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