I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
