bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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