So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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