just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize