My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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