My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
