dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think my moral compass just broke
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
