Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
