'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
