I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
