theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize