I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
