Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize