He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
